Saturday, January 22, 2005
I will post today's entry in my journal instead of writing something new.
We pulled in last night, we’re parked in a movie theatre parking lot. The weather is a GREAT deal warmer than it is at home; it was almost 70 yesterday. It’s 60 degrees outside right now. I heard yesterday that Maine got 10 inches of snow! It’s probably in the 20s or 30s at home right now. I think my parents are still asleep. It’s later than we usually get up - 8:40am - but I think everyone is tired after 4 days of traveling. Besides, we don’t have anything going on until tonight, and then we’re eating supper at a friend’s house, which means we might be staying up late.
Yesterday I finished the Stonewycke trilogy, I started and finished another book called Miss Aladdin. It was interesting enough, but when I had read about ¼ into the book I realized I had read it before, and the whole plot came back to me. I couldn’t remember all the details though, so I went ahead and read it anyways. I have 1800 pages to read in the next 9 days if I’m to finish 5,000 pages this month. Speaking of getting things done, I’m finding there’s the same amount of time on the bus as there is at home; 24 hours! I need to concentrate on getting the important things (like trumpet practice and Spanish) done in the morning so I don’t have to pay for them later by staying up late to get them done (which never gets done on the bus, it’s too hard with everyone going to bed at the same time) or just not doing them.
Same day, more thoughts to record. We went and did a concert at a nursing home a few minutes ago. We’re just pulling back into the movie theatre parking lot. It rained a little on the way back. Our next concert is tomorrow night at a church in town. The clouds are still dark outside. There are so many things I felt very strongly today. I don’t know if I can explain any of them. The one I’ve noticed the most is as if I faintly feel very pleasant memories, but I can’t remember what they were, only the feeling that accompanied them. It’s such a pleasant feeling, I don’t want to lose it. I wish I could remember what it is that I’m feeling. It’s so elusive, as soon as I think of something concrete to associate with it, the feeling goes away. Maybe I should just leave it alone and be happy feeling that way. Maybe writing about it will spoil it. I hate to sound like a sentimentalist but I can’t help feeling this way.
I’m also realizing; I am SO blessed. I can’t believe what God has done for my family and I, as well as the entire family of believers, and even the world; though if they refuse him they have nothing to be joyful about. God has been so wonderful. I had a dream last night that someone was chasing two of my siblings and I down, intending to kill us for our faith. It seemed so tangible, as if it could really be happening. I remember being scared, but I remember praying over and over again, dear God, help me to be brave enough to face death in whatever form it comes to me. I knew my pursuers intended to kill me in some horrible way, and I was afraid that I would be a coward and submit to their demands. For if the fear of losing this human life stands in the way of us and God, what is our faith to us? If we only trust him so long as we are physically safe, then what good will our trust do us? As Jesus said, “He who loses his life for my sake will find it”.