Monday, February 28, 2005

This is a journal entry from last month.

Things feel like they’re changing. For one thing, I‘ve noticed that there is a wall between myself and the people I know [online] who are not Christians. However even more troubling are the people who claim to be Christians, and don’t seem to be so at all. It aggravates me, but I’m reminded of my own futility in my life. I saw some people acting foolish, in what may have or may not have been a harmless way, and I felt that I ought to reprimand them, ought to tell them how ridiculous they looked. But I thought back on myself and my own actions. I knew I was guilty - if something as harmless as being immature can be a fault of which one can feel guilty of - of the same actions, yet at the time I felt no urge to act my age, I felt no beckoning to leave such things behind and grow up. And yet at this moment, there are people of all levels of maturity; is it fair for me to criticize such things, if I could be judged the same by those superior to me? It is not sin I am talking about, in that area we should follow the Bible, but this still is a fleshly thing I struggle with, and I think it might be called arrogance. If I would look down on someone because they are lower than me, while not realizing that I am lower than others in the same manner, doesn’t that make me an arrogant fool? And if I do not realize that I am lower than others, then I am falling into the deadly trap of pride, which can blind anyone. If I realize I am lower, but still persist in claiming I am higher than some, then I am putting myself into a position of pride by saying “I am my own judge.” I don’t know exactly what the answer to all this is, but I know that I really need to work on it. In Proverbs it says that “God hates pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech”. It is so easy to become neglectful of the first two, while having no [outward] problems with the second two. We are so proud we have overcome the latter, we forget to follow the first ones and become proud idiots. Why do we become so proud? Because we forget of the sacrifice Christ made for us. We forget the blood He shed, we forget how undeserving we are of forgiveness.

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