Thursday, March 03, 2005
There are so many people who need to be saved. They don’t know it. I pray that God would open their eyes and realize. How can you pray that people will be willing? I guess you can pray that. I feel like begging my friends and saying PLEEEASE! How does one plead before God? Is it with uninterrupted praying and fasting? Is it simply trying to do His will? Is it being obedient? I don’t know if my motives are right, because sometimes I worry that they’re not. Does that necessarily make them wrong or right? Can one ask God to remove wrong motives, or wrong desires? One time when I asked God for help, what I got was a stronger feeling that what I was doing was wrong, to the point that I couldn’t do it anymore. I guess that’s the way God works.
(written on the bus, last month)
At the moment, life looks especially dreary. No one is in a good mood. I don’t know I am included in that. Last night I was mean to my brothers, and I expect I’m reaping some of that now. The bus is quiet, except for Carol asking for batteries, and the sound of Mom and Dad discussing what to do next. I suppose it’s not entirely anyone’s fault, but it’s depressing nonetheless.
I try to remember; 1. God is still the same, and 2. Life goes on. Time marches on, pushing us towards our ultimate eternity, whatever that is for each of us. It seems like no thing [matter] exists without time. My grandmother was born, and she lived all of her life, yet her spirit has left her body, her life on earth is over. Someday I will be gone from this earth, and to the people here I won’t exist. It’s mind bending to think about it. This moment in time only exists in this moment. It’s gone now, and the moment that you spent reading this sentence will be gone too. Where does time go? I am sure that I lived the year I was 12, but what became of it? Where is the person I was then, now? My body has aged, nothing is the same, it is all 5 years in the future. All this makes it all the more important that we are secure for eternity, for the moment means nothing.
Does it suddenly make the post boring to know it's just another one of my journal entries? I want to post things that are worth posting, but it's hard to be objective when you're the one who has written it.
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