Monday, July 02, 2007
I'm so unproductive. I got rid of AIM and Yahoo messenger and I still spend too much time on here. I resent the activities I have outside the house because I already neglect the things I have to do around the house. I'm stuck in a rut, really, but I'm trying to get out of it. I have a hard time concentrating on things I have to do if I've got things lying around on my floor or clothes that aren't put away. I have a hard time concentrating when I put off important tasks that I think are going to be difficult - I try to do the simpler tasks instead but the big ones loom over me. And sometimes those prove to be simple tasks but I put them off.
I haven't run in months and it looks like I won't be able to for months. That discourages me. I miss it.
I haven't played guitar in earnest for months and I'm starting to really feel as if I can't play.
I haven't been street witnessing in a while, the only contacts I have are far and few between and several times I've put off witnessing until they go away. I convinced myself it wasn't appropriate to bring up.
I'm definitely not showing the self discipline qualities the Bible speaks of. I've got many unfinished projects, or projects that simply aren't projects anymore because I lost interest. I groan to think of how unproductive I am compared to someone who works a 40 hour work week and gets more done outside of that than I do. If I wrote how I spent every minute of the day I'd be ashamed to let anyone see it.
God has given me just as much time as He did Paul, or any of the other great men and women of the Bible. He gave me just as much time in a day as any other person who has applied themselves and done great things for God. But I'm just flailing around wasting my time and generally being a sloth.
I spend too much time thinking and pondering and not enough time doing. I put simple things on my list to do (on the day I cook I write down all three meals as things to do) just so I can cross them off and feel productive. Sometimes things go on 3, 4, 5 or 6 lists before it gets done (or possibly written off).
On the bright side, it's a good thing I'm not hitched to anyone, I'd feel bad for him :) There's always a bright side to something, but I'm never it. I'm never the answer to my problems. I need to remember that. I'm never going to be productive in the ultimate sense of the word. I don't create anything, I don't make anything. God makes things. God fixes things. I destroy things and I break things. Making my imaginary future productive self the answer to my problems doesn't fix the problem, it makes the problem.
Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.
It amazes me how God uses blogger ;)